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China's Olympics - Talk to your kids

Kids 5-7, Kids 8-11, In the news, Media, Education

Rachel Campos-Duffy

This summer, the Olympics are providing lots of great family entertainment. The opening ceremony's parade of nations inspired my son to plop his globe on the kitchen table for an impromptu geography game. The gymnastics and swimming competition stirred discussions about health, discipline and sportsmanship. But it's the Olympic host country itself that is generating the best conversations.

My kids have always been fascinated by China. Evidence of their love for all things Chinese abounds. My Chinese bathrobes have been absorbed into their play clothes collection; they beg to use chop sticks (even if we're having spaghetti); they can be convinced to eat new vegetables if I proclaim them "Chinese"; they love Mulan; and my four year-old regularly breaks into a foreign language she claims is Chinese. We have high hopes that the Beijing Olympics and accompanying coverage will expand their knowledge of China beyond Kung Fu Panda and Chinese restaurants.

Thanks to years of careful planning on the part of the Chinese government, China put on the most spectacular opening ceremony in recent memory. Viewers were rightfully dazzled by the combination of Chinese artistry and technology. If my kids are any indication, interest in China is at an all-time high.

How do you answer kids' difficult sex questions?

Kids 8-11, Teens & tweens, Love & sex, Resources




"Mommy, what's a b job? This is a question that the mother of an eight-year-old grapples with in the new book "So Sexy, So Soon." Needless to say, when I read this, shivers went down my spine. I have an eight-year-old and though I would like to think that I wouldn't get that question for at least another seven years, it's probably an unrealistic expectation given the toxic cultural environment our kids live in.

Even the most vigilant parent cannot avoid the probability that their child will be exposed to terms and images many of us never saw or thought about until we were well into our high school years.

For one, not all parents are vigilant. Your child is bound to interact with those kids at some point. Moreover, things that were once safe, like say, the 5 o'clock news, now commonly reference once taboo subjects like oral sex (thanks a lot, Bill!) or are sponsored by products like Viagra (thanks a lot, Bob Dole!). Frankly, I think every child should have the right to enter adolescence without knowing about erectile dysfunction.

I'm a firm believer that our sexualized culture and the disturbing trend toward an accelerated adolescence are hurting girls (and boys, as my readers have reminded me) and I have blogged extensively about it. Sadly, too many kids are being robbed of their childhood and innocence by this phenomenon.

What's a parent to do? The truth is I don't know what I would have said to that eight year old. But I want to start preparing for that and other questions I know are coming sooner, rather than later. I intend to buy the book, but I also want to use this column to collect as many stories and anecdotes I can from other readers on what they did and said when their child approached them with a difficult question about sex. ParentDish is the perfect forum for this kind of exchange. I also hope readers will share what they wish they had said or done? There is so much we can learn from each other.

We may not be able to stop the cultural trends, but in the very least, we owe it to our children to try to be as informed and prepared as possible to handle their questions. If you have a personal story or comment that you think would help other readers please share it. I am TRULY looking forward to all of your comments.

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Dreading school shopping? Try uniforms!

Kids 5-7, Kids 8-11, Shopping & recalls

Rachel Campos-Duffy

With the start of the school year rapidly approaching, many parents are dreading the annual ritual of school clothes shopping. First, they'll spend hours scouring the Internet and newspaper for sales and deals to fit their shrinking budgets. Then they'll load up the kids for a long day of fitting rooms and check out lines -- not to mention negotiations over what is and isn't appropriate attire for school.

I relieved myself of this torture several years ago when my husband and I decided that a school uniform was the easiest and most affordable way for our growing family to deal with hectic mornings, rising costs, and trends in inappropriate fashion -- especially for girls.

At the beginning of August, I size my kids up and call the uniform company to stock up on whatever items they need or have grown out of. On average, we spend about $80 per child and the entire thing is delivered to my front door. With an e-mail order in to Zappos.com for shoes, my school clothes shopping is done!

But what do you do if your school doesn't have a school uniform policy? It's a great question. One I asked myself when I first enrolled my child in a Catholic school that did not require uniforms. My first thought was to initiate an optional uniform program with other like-minded parents. When faced with resistance, I decide that if the school didn't see the benefits, I wouldn't let it stop our family!

New mom enters land of the living

Newborns, Just for moms, Babies, Pregnancy & birth, Mommy musts



Two and a half months have passed since our baby Paloma was born and I've run out of excuses for not working out or pulling myself together before 2PM. I finally looked in the mirror (only because I was cleaning it) and decided that enough is enough - I need to re-enter the land of the living, even if I still feel like a sleep deprived zombie.

My first day on the elliptical machine was hard. Not the workout, but the three hours of procrastination I spent doing every other chore in the house. Wait, there are dust bunnies under the crib. Move bed, vacuum. Equally exhausting was the dread of squeezing my post-baby body into my pre-baby exercise clothes.

With the house in order, laundry sorted and going, and kids miraculously playing peacefully, I once again run out of excuses. No problem, I better check my e-mail. A news story flashes with a picture of my former workout idol, Madonna. What's she up to? Seeing her bulging arm veins and manly triceps, I almost scrap the workout all together. "Look what it's doing to Madonna," I tell myself, "This cannot be good for you."

Then one of those humbling mommy moments snaps me back to the reality of my overstretched abs. "Mommy, are you having another baby?" asks my pig-tailed four year-old. "No, honey,"I try to say sweetly through clenched teeth.

Fine! I'll get on the machine, but first I have to nurse and by the way, isn't nursing supposed to help my stomach come to its pre-baby shape? I guess there's an exclusionary clause for the fifth baby.

Long story short, I did 25 minutes on the elliptical and some abdominal crunches. I felt soooo good afterward! Why did I wait so long??!!

Baby's still asleep. Good! I can shower. Oh, this is what it feels like to be clean before noon. I had forgotten.

Baby's still asleep and the other kids haven't killed each other? I'm going to exfoliate and mask with my new favorite organic skin products (the best post-baby gift I have EVER received) and what the heck, I'll give myself a home pedicure.

Pores clean, skin soft, nails painted, hair washed. I'm back in the land of the living.

To learn more about Rachel, visit her website at www.rachelcamposduffy.com.

Best parenting advice from grandmothers

Newborns, Babies, Toddlers, Kids 5-7, Kids 8-11, Teens & tweens

Rachel Campos-Duffy

I have always sought the advice of mothers I admire, especially grandmothers. For parents like me who are in the thick of it, the wisdom of women who can see and reflect on the big picture is an invaluable asset. With five children under the age of nine, I am very busy and thus guilty of "short-term" parenting. You know, sweating the small things, not savoring fleeting moments, and other things that happen when we fail to look at the long picture. There's nothing like a conversation with a smart grandmother to put my parenting in perspective.

Just as important as the advice on what to do have been the cautionary tales on what not to do. One grandmother I know wished that she taught her sons to clean up. Their messy habits made them lousy roommates in college and in marriage. Another grandmother friend of mine regrets getting lax about hiding presents at Christmas time. She advised me to go to extraordinary lengths to keep Santa going, because "Christmas was never the same until I had grandkids."

For this column, I talked to my favorite grandmothers, including my own mother, and asked them to give their best advice for mothers. Here's what they had to say:


Is it OK to lie to your kids?

Kids 5-7, Kids 8-11



Because of an argument I recently had with my mom, an article titled "House of lies: Is fibbing to your kids ever OK?" grabbed my attention.

A few months ago, my 8 and 6 year old spent spring break in Arizona visiting their grandparents. My kids are very close with my parents and while there, the subject of peer pressure came up in a conversation they were having about school with their grandmother. My mother explained that both children and adults are susceptible to peer pressure. As an example, she said it was like "when Uncle Pat goes out to smoke on the patio and convinces your Daddy to smoke with him.".

The problem is that our kids have no idea that their Dad has ever smoked cigarettes. My mom, apparently, didn't know that.

It's true that my husband, Sean, shared a cigarette with my brother a couple years ago. However, it is the rare social occasion where Sean smokes and it is always out of the sight of the kids.

When the kids returned home, one of the first things they told us was that Grandma told them "Daddy smoked with Uncle Pat." Clearly they were shocked and wanted to sort out the story. Totally surprised by the revelation, my husband told them that grandma must have been mistaken and left it at that. The kids believed him and that was the end of the story ... sort of.

When my mom found out, she was upset because she felt that Sean's explanation undermined her credibility with the kids. She also thinks that this could have been a teachable moment: children and adults must overcome temptations to give in to peer pressure -- even Daddy. More importantly, she insists that we should not lie to the children, lest they catch Sean smoking one day.

My husband and I do not believe that we need to tell our kids everything. While it would be best if Sean never smoked at all (and he hasn't in a long time), I agree with his decision to "lie" in this instance given how rarely he smokes. In this case, I do not think it is something we need to discuss or explain to the kids. Sometimes, withholding some information, especially when they are young, is for their own good.

So, is it OK to lie to your kids? Weigh in. Both my mom and I are curious about your answers.

To learn more about Rachel, visit her website @ www.rachelcamposduffy.com

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Kids overscheduled this summer? Go retro!

Kids 5-7, Kids 8-11, Fun & activities, Siblings

So far, this is turning out to be a retro summer! By foregoing the organized sport/activity route, my kids are busy making themselves busy.

Two weeks ago, my budding capitalists set up a lemonade stand in our driveway. They made signs, lemonade, and used their own piggy bank money to buy supplies. They were so excited to have "customers" and I found myself surprised by how seriously they took their job.

With all this free time, there's time for elaborate dress-up games. Most mornings they come down dressed as spies in black leggings, old trench coats and a back pack full of "spy things" which consist primarily of walkie-talkies and primitive telescopes. Today they divulged their secret hiding place in the ravine by the side of the house where they "spy on the cars" that drive by.

Combat child obesity with a home-cooked meal

Eating & nutrition, Medical conditions, In the news, Mealtime



I'm one of those moms that cares a lot about the food my family eats. Even as food costs rise, we've cut back in other areas in our budget so that we can continue to buy organic and locally grown meat and produce.

But by far, the most important thing I do to ensure that my family eats healthy, well-balanced meals is to COOK. That is why I found myself particularly peeved as I read a Time Magazine cover story entitled "How America's Children Packed on the Pounds."

In summing up the answer to the dilemma presented in the cover story title, the author describes "a long multifront war" on childhood obesity as such: "Parents are fighting it in the home....... Policymakers are fighting it as they study the growing body of research..... Doctors are fighting it as they deal daily with the ills associated with childhood obesity. And perhaps most important, teachers, mentors, and public role models are fighting it as they help kids navigate a culture that fosters fat but idealizes thin....".

Teachers, mentors, and public role models are the most important front in this war??!! I have a serious problem with the assigned hierarchy. In fact, this mentality, which inevitably leads to millions of wasted tax dollars, makes my blood boil!

A child's food preferences, habits, and his/her relationship with food are determined at HOME. Teachers, mentors, and public role models (whatever that means) can do precious little once the mold is set.

If America thinks that real solutions to childhood obesity lie in government campaigns such as the $125 million "VERB" campaign aimed at preteens and featuring Miley Cyrus, they are either grossly naive or, more likely, in serious denial. The campaign's budget was eventually slashed, which Time Magazine described as the government "dropping the ball."

Actually, parents are the ones "dropping the ball." We don't need another million-dollar government study to figure out that childhood obesity increased at about the same time that the once sacred family meal became optional and even non-existent in some homes.

If your child is a latch-key kid who heats up his dinner in the microwave or if eating take-out in the car on the way to soccer practice has replaced good food and conversation around the family table, you may have a genuinely good reason for your family's meal arrangements. And that's fine by me.

My problem is not with your particular arrangement (to each his own), but rather with our national denial. We blame McDonalds, school lunches, commercials, video games, the government -- the list goes on.

To combat childhood obesity, kids don't need government funded celebrity campaigns or mentors as much as they need parents who take the time to plan and cook nutritious meals that family members are expected to attend.

Why do we insist on complicating things so much? It's the family meal, stupid.

For more information about Rachel, visit her website at www.rachelcamposduffy.com.

From tots to High School Musical

Toddlers, Kids 5-7, Kids 8-11, Development, In the news, Media



"She went straight from Disney princess to High School Musical," complains one mom in an article titled "Parents fret as as tots love 'High School Musical."

As Disney shows such as Hannah Montana and High School Musical (HSM) predictably make their way down the marketing food chain, there is growing concern among parents that adolescent themes like boyfriends and break-ups are now being digested by two and three-year olds. Today, it's not unusual for a four year-old to have a High School Musical birthday party or to proclaim Sharpay, HSM's superficial, Jimmy Choo wearing mean girl to be her "favorite character." So long Cinderella.

I have sounded off on this disturbing trend often in my blogs and I stand by my position that the sexualization of childhood via entertainment, toys, and clothes is one of the most insidious forces facing young kids -- especially young girls.

It's not easy to safeguard childhood given the corporate marketing onslaught and the fact that so many kids are steeped in what now passes for "kid culture."

So what's a mom to do? My strategy is to stick to my guns. If I can postpone a premature adolescence by even a couple of years, it will be worth it. I set age-appropriate boundaries and explain them in a way that my children can understand and explain to their peers if questioned about it.

Of course, they want to know why their friends can watch these shows when they can't. I simply tell them that all families have different rules. This won't be the first time where ours differs from those of other families. In our home, I explain, kids watch and play with kid stuff because being a kid is FUN and there is no need to rush it. I assure them that there will be plenty of time for tween and teen things in the future. So far, this explanation has been satisfactory. I used a similar tact with the Bratz Dolls: "I want you to play with a doll that looks like you. This doll looks kind of mean and wears so much make-up. She doesn't look very fun."

This year our 8 year-old daughter attended a party where High School Musical was shown. She informed the girls that she isn't allowed to watch "teenager movies" and an animated G-rated film was played instead. She also left the room when the conversation turned to things she recognized that we would not like her to be part of. I didn't expect that to happen, but it did and I was proud of her. It happened to be the day before Mother's Day and I told her it was the best present she could have ever given me.

This weekend, she attended Girl Scout camp by herself for the first time. Initially, I had flashbacks of all those "camp" movies where the bad girls talk the other girls into compromising dares and rites of initiation involving boys. Luckily, camp came on the heels of her very commendable (and courageous) conduct at the birthday party. I let her go.

As the bus drove off, I thought to myself, "First Girl Scouts, then college." It goes so fast. That's precisely why she should be a little girl as long as she can.

Tim Russert taught that parenting matters

Just for dads, In the news



I love that I have so many friends and relatives with older kids. My children are all under the age of eight so when my husband and I find ourselves in the company of a nice, well-adjusted young adult, we often wonder what our own kids will be like at that age. Inevitably, we ask ourselves, what did these parents do to turn out such a good child?

Observing other people's older kids has truly informed our parenting. After all, they are the end "product,", so to speak, and we still have time to change course. We see things we like and don't like and adjust our rules or parenting styles accordingly.

With few exceptions, the proof is in the pudding.

This morning on the Today Show I saw an excellent example of this. In an interview with Matt Lauer, Luke Russert, the son of the recently deceased journalist, Tim Russert, demonstrated the kind of poise, good humor and love for his dad that spoke volumes about his upbringing and his parents.

The secret to Luke's character is not a secret. In a best-selling book (Big Russ and Me) and countless interviews he did promoting the book, Tim Russert talked about the lessons he learned and tried to pass on to his son. Life lessons about discipline, perseverance, accountability, and love through actions and words. These were lessons he learned from his parents, from the nuns and priests at his Catholic school, and from the hard-working ethics of his blue-collar community in Buffalo, New York.

I hope you will enjoy this clip as much as I did; I was especially tired today and this interview seemed to recharge my batteries and refocus my day. It was a powerful reminder to this mom that what I do as a parent matters. This family's tragedy and love for each other made me grateful for my own family and for the privilege it is to be with and raise my kids. My children are my legacy. Tim can be proud of his.

To learn more about Rachel Campos-Duffy visit her website at rachelcamposduffy.com.
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